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From The Head To The
Heart
In this section we will visit the
concepts of
Emotional Strength, the importance
of looking within to get in touch with how our emotions and feelings
play a major role on our path to achievement.
Emotional
Intelligence is the technology of the heart, an often ignored,
misunderstood or unbearable link to our inner most values, i.e.
our inner intuition.
Our heart plays a
paramount role towards personal achievement because it is the
gauge in our life about what is right or wrong and always knows
the truth about any situation.
When Did We Establish
That Feelings Are Bad?
In the jungle of childhood most of us
experienced some form of berating or rejection for the display of
emotions, particularly the unhappy ones. It was at this point that
we gained the misconception that our feelings "were bad" and a sign
of emotional weakness.
As adults this
misconception manifested as a belief that emotional strength
was the ability to powerfully "suppress" feelings, resulting in
an intolerance of emotions and feelings within ourselves and
others.
In reality ignoring the hearts vital
messages through feelings and emotions i.e. gut instinct, is like
navigating through a mine field wearing a blindfold.
 The Emotional
Memory
Some years ago one of my teachers and mentors advised that he was
considering taking on studies to improve his memory, and had stated,
"I wish I could have access to my memory. I learned at a very young
age to not remember important information as a way of dealing with
fear and potential humiliation".
The truth is however, that despite our inability to recall past
issues in our "mind" memory, the subconscious and unconscious
"emotional memory" never forgets.
Every experience is recorded in
intricate detail somewhere in the databanks of our mind,
whether we are aware of it or not. It is recorded in
three ways, as a mind memory, an
emotional memory and (something
we will discuss later in the Program) a cellular memory.
Placed under
hypnosis a person is capable of recalling in detail events they
would have considered had not been committed to memory, e.g.
every car number plate they may have glimpsed during a day's
drive; the words they may have read in a newspaper, or every
subliminal health or death warning they may have read on a
cigarette packet!
They would also be
able to recount their exact feelings and emotions of the moment.
This is known as unconscious feedback.
Being Aware Of Our
Emotional Experiences
It is frightening to remember that we
live in a technological age that transmits information to us through
a variety of mediums, at a pace so rapid, we are often not
consciously aware of many of the messages filtering through to our
subconscious.
Little wonder
that those who gain their personal realities from negative,
sensationalist or dramatic means see their world in the same
light.
Emotional Dynamics is the awareness of
"unconscious feedback", the parts of us that are recalled
involuntarily from our unconscious memory to cause our sometimes
unexplainable emotional reactions to life.
Emotional Dynamics
reminds us that the subconscious mind cannot tell the
difference between real or fantasized thoughts and experiences,
therefore promoting the importance of taking charge of what
we allow into our mind.
How Thoughts Affect Our Feelings
Let us stop for a moment to experience how the "thought" affects our
feelings and emotions.
Quick Exercise
Close your eyes and think of two contrasting people or
circumstances in your life - one which you despise, and another
that you elatedly adore.
What did you feel? What emotions came up? Did you have any
distinct body reactions?
This simple exercise demonstrates metaphysical reactions of the body as a result of thoughts.
It also demonstrates the mind-health connection, i.e. how our
thoughts equate to our stress levels, which in turn induces the
chemicals and hormones released into our body to affect our health
and well being.
Clasp your fist
tightly for a few minutes to see what happens. The hand
will start going white due to lack of blood flow, and if
left this way permanently, would wither and die.
Negative Emotions and Feelings have the same effect on your
body, which is why negative emotions left unchecked can result
in illness.
Cellular Memory
is where we may have long forgotten or suppressed an incident in our
mind, but unconscious feedback produces emotions and
feelings to certain situations.
"My Father had an
unfortunate sense of humor. He loved to tease and torment
us when we were too young to understand. As a result I
still can't stand sarcastic people."
Whether we are aware of them or not,
these processes play key roles in our decision making. Our intuition
talks to us through our emotions and feelings.
Emotional Burn Out
Emotional burn-out is common in business
where executives spend years exposed to the underestimated pressures
of modern corporate life.
Emotional burn-out
can occur when high levels of elation are constantly
experienced. The success bug produces highly potent
natural highs, that are as addictive as any recreational drug.
Many entertainers, sports people
and executives live their life from one adrenalin rush to the
next ... but what goes up, (and up and up) must eventually come
down. They find themselves suddenly, experiencing
unexplainable mood swings.
Emotional Suppression
People whom have been subjected to long
periods of suppressed emotional stress can find themselves in the
confusing state of emotional spill, where they are increasingly or
uncontrollably reactive to circumstances in their life.
Reactions
and responses are released in embarrassing and seemingly
uncontrollable bouts of emotion, such as anger,
jealousy, hate, distrust etc.
In the more
worse
state emotions can simply disappear leaving the bearer devoid of
all feelings at all, with no access to joy, peace of mind or
anger. The tell tale signs only show up in aches, pains, illness
and irrational behaviors.
 Taking Charge of
Negative Emotions
Taking charge of feelings and emotions
is accomplished by observing our thoughts,
and
altering those thoughts at any instant in time.
Here is the
way most unaware people handle a negative emotion.
1. Get an uncomfortable feeling
2. Analyze the feeling
3. Blame something, someone else or themselves
4. React with a negative emotion or response.
5. Feel worse
6. Increase the blame.
Negative Emotions can only occur when
there is 'blame' or 'fear' present, and this is the way we make
everything and everybody else responsible for our feelings.
When we find ourselves "stuck" in blame
or fear, we find ourselves on the never ending merry go round of
emotional turmoil. This is called the "Victim
Cycle".
Here is a more
powerful way to handle a negative emotion.
1. Get an uncomfortable feeling
2. Observe "What am I feeling?"
3. Ask "Who ... or what am I blaming or fearing?"
4. Take responsibility with a re-programming thought
5. Emotional reaction dissipates.
Taking
Response-Ability For Emotional Reactions
A popular 'affirmation' used around the
world is: "I am responsible for ..." and we fill in the rest. e.g.
"I am
responsible for getting into this relationship" or
"I am responsible for how I am reacting in this fashion" or
"I am responsible for blaming them", or
"I am responsible for forgetting that they have their own
realities not necessarily the same as mine" and so on.
The conscious mind can only hold one
thought at any given moment and that command to the
subconscious is instantaneous.
Feelings Are The
Result, Not The Reason.
Feelings are the result, not the cause
of your discomfort. Feelings are energies (like other forms of
pain) moving through the cellular structure of your body, that are
wanting to be released from your system.
Just observe and
allow your feelings to exist, feel them ... and I mean REALLY
FEEL them. Close your eyes and "feel" the sensation in your body
and turn it into an object. What shape is it? Where is it in
your body? Can you associate the feeling to a colour?
Focus completely on your feelings and
emotions with acceptance, and they will remarkably dissipate.
Failing to allow your feelings to be felt at the time of surfacing
will only lead to a future re-emergence in a form of unconscious
feedback.
Positive Thoughts Can
Overpower the Negative.
Observation and the release of fear and blame are the first keys to
releasing unwanted feelings, emotions and reactive responses.
Writing down your thoughts and feelings in detail, is a form of thought transference
and excellent for tackling particularly challenging circumstances.
Emotional Strength Exercise
Question 1: Write down all the people and
situations that cause reactive or suppressive feelings and
emotions in your life.
Question 2: Establish the unconscious feedback that is operating, and
when and where you first learned to respond this way.
Question 3: Write down
the situations you will now
become response-able for, and your responsibility affirmations.
Let's now move to the Fifth Factor of
Achievement
DETACHMENT
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